Job/hobby hunt in progress

July 22, 2010---Day 81 of being graduated and jobless:
Still trapped in a state of blah and no sign of the quarry...

Ok I guess that's a bit melodramatic.

I had thought earlier that the hardest part about being done with school would be the requirement of taking the NCLEX. Yeah that was stressful, but it was lasted about a day and a half and then it was over. The perpetual state of not having a set schedule is , well, mind numbing sometimes. I'd like to say that every day I have something mentally stimulating and industrious to do, but of course that would be a big fat lie. To be honest I did have a big slump right after school got out. It could just be that I had spent so long in "survive nursing school mode" that I have been having issues handling all my free time. I'm sure there are plenty of people that think this is bogus and that I should just pull it together.

Think about it though, I've been in school for 16 years straight and suddenly have to figure out what to do with myself. (I thank God for my husband, who keeps me stable and rooted in reality. That and he's a pretty good teacher on how to live real life.) I mean today I realized that I really like a well structured and uncluttered life. And by uncluttered I mean that I don't really have any of those interesting skill/hobbies like crocheting or whatever, it's not that I can't do them, it's just I don't think I have the attention span for it. I do paint off and on, and play classical guitar, or whatever strikes my fancy, but it kind of goes in spurts of interest. Maybe my problem is that I am so nursing brained now I find hobbies like that to not be an efficient use of my time since I'm not really accomplishing a well outlined goal.

When I say "efficient" that has nothing to do with the deeper worth of enriching one's self. I deeply enjoy the arts. Most people thought that I was going to major in Fine Arts and become an actress or something. I have missed participating in ballet in particular. If they somehow combined nursing with dance/dinner theatre I would be all in. Can you imagine? Scrubs, bed pans, a dream sequence---> epic

Anyway, I've talked to all the right people so to speak, sent out many applications, and still no call back from anyone. I'm trying to stave off the feeling that it's all because I'm not likeable or something to that degree, but after a while you just can't help but feel like you are standing outside a candy store with your face pressed against the glass. I feel like I'm stuck standing there just imagining all the wonderful things I could be enjoying. I understand that it's a buyer's market. I understand that most positions get many hundreds of applications in this area. But hey, whoever said that you have to be rational all the time. I think I just am feeling a bit awkward after all of the intimidating conversations I've had lately. Is it too much to ask that people would let you know that they like you and think that you could be good for nursing, even if they don't have anything for you at the moment? At least my family is at the ready with the pom-poms.

I love them.

For now I'll just have to keep depending on everyone to help keep my head in the game.

Don't worry. I'm going to get that job. I might just have to sneak up on it.

(PS: What do people think about me taking up the hobby of cooking? That is atleast a practical use of my time right?)

Romanticizing at its Worst

So I was watching a little bit of The Last Comic Standing this morning, (and you know all of those little advertisments that get played over and over and over again because the ad creators can't figure out that after 8 times, no matter how awesome it looks, I won't buy whatever it is because the advertisement got increadibly annoying) and there was the standard fare of advertisments. This epidode was actually longer than usual, so I got to see/hear it around 15 times or something. Once or twice I actually listened to it, and this is how the jingle went:

"The touch, the feel, the fabric our lives, The touch, the feel of cotton, the fabric of my life"

You know, I've always wanted to write a love song for cotton fabric but they just.... beat me to it....Wait, what? Cotton? Cotton fabric... Sometimes I wonder at people's sanity. I know you are really excited about cotton and you want me to buy cotton things, but personally I would be more interested in giving a short psych exam to check your orientation to reality.

Well maybe this works for some people right? I mean I get pretty excited about a few things. Like candy. But the difference is, if I ran around singing "Candy is the secret behind all great things in life, and it gets me through tough times, my friend forever...." I might actually have a chance of being taken seriously.

They put it out there as if they were saying something like "If we ever found the workshop of the Fates, and looked at their work on the fabric of life and time, it would be made out of cotton."

So I had a good laugh about it...which quickly died off when I realized that how excited I get about nursing and medicine and the human body might seem a little over the top. Like when people asked me about how my time in clinical was, I went on for a bit on how I like to work with really "busted and messed up people because they are more interesting". And the little voice in my head says, "You mean not everyone gets how awesome that is?" No... no... they just think you are one step away from psychopath. Or so I assume. But I have found comfort that I still am not the weirdest out there.

After my well woman's appointment (yay, it's so delightful....) I had my interested piqued, as it sometimes is, and decided to look up things about the cervix. Since I did not have an OB rotation, it's the stuff I have the least actual experience with, I feel the research/review is justified.

Now since I have graduated, they have officially locked my out of all the online databases that the school had open to them, so now I have to do Google searches and hope that it find scholarly articles (or something close) that I can read without paying $80 or something ridiculous. I also like looking at sites to see how they explain things to the general public.

Interestingly enough one of the first things that popped up was an article from ezinearticles. Here's how it started:

"I am the gateway; I am the door. I connect the inside to the outside. I decide which outside comes in. I control the flux and the flow. I hold the wise blood, or let it go. I protect the growing babe, or thrust it unformed into a world unsuitable. None leave, none enter, except by my grace, my decision..."

(my face as I am reading this)-----> 0_o

Ok I think that female parts are awesome and I am a fan, but please lock me up if I ever start writing poetry or prose like that about any of my body parts.

And this is all before I got to to some of the other literary gems like "I offer blood to Mother Earth. I spin stretchy strings of fertile mucus to Grandmother Moon." or " I know how to efface myself... opening wide in sweet surrender" (<--- clearly whoever wrote this hasn't experienced child birth)

In the end it is just a cervix. A clump of tissue in the female body that has a specific job to do... and I'm pretty sure it isn't sentient. A CERVIX! That's it people! Ok, I'm not going to stop anyone from writing love prose for it, but I really don't think your cervix cares in all honesty. It's not going to be so touched that it'll let you out of the pain of labor. Nice try.

Now I can understand that some people are really into certain body systems and generally they become specailized in that area of medicine. Generally, if they have some increadible obsession with it, they have enough of an outlet in being specialized. Or if they really feel the need to share that love, they can become professors.

I am so sorry to all of you, especially nonmedical, who have to put up with these sort of love affairs. Next time you ask me what my favorite part of work was, or what I like most about nursing, please let me know if I start going a little too far.

I will do my best not to scar you for life.

Realistically, RN can still = No Experience and Interviews can = Speed Dating

So after many months of avidly reading the stories written by some of my, well I guess I can now call them, colleagues, I figured it wouldn't hurt if there was another medically leaning blog floating around in cyberspace. Granted I do understand that this could all be because of some deep longing to connect with a community that I've had, up until recently, no time to discover in the flesh.

I also think this is an excellent opportunity for me to share some of my more interesting adventures. Unfortunately the probability that this will ever amount to something long term or become anything widely read is quite low. However, with a lack of other outlets to creative expression of emotions, I am humoring myself.

As you may notice, I call myself a nurse. That's right. RN. I'm quite proud of that fact, regardless of the lack of any actual hours of clinical practice. Sure, my (beautifully, concise, one-page) resume is dripping with the specifics of all my hours of clinicals and the units tasked with handling the ever eager nursing students, but am frequently reminded that none of those hours was ever passed with my own personal license. I would be the first to say I'd like to correct this personal deficiency. Right now though there aren't really too many opportunities for someone with 0 months of experience on my side of the USA. Sure, sure, whip out the old "pick up and move" argument. I would hope that those out there who are married would understand that dropping everything and moving somewhere is a bit easier to think about if you are single.

Of course I use that as my main excuse, but on a shallower note, I really, really would prefer to not to head to Florida or Texas (some of the most in-need-of-nurses-states, or so they say).

You could say I just don't like the heat. Cause I don't. But beyond that I just don't think I would fit into those cultures very well and I am kind of tired of not having a social life.

In any case, I am solidly in the category of "Unemployed r/t the economy, my geography and lack of experience AEB lack of a job, lack of a set schedule, and an ungodly amount of free time."

I do want to let you all know (because, of course, you all ((you know, all 2 of you at most)) care so much) that I am not just being a lazy bum. I have applied to a good handful of jobs that I actually qualify for and the coveted RN Residency program that has just been started in the area. Even though it is a new program this year I do feel that describing it as "coveted" is justified. No less that 600 people applied for these positions. I know it was more, but needless to say I didn't want to focus on how much competition I have.

I really hope that I get one of these residency positions, because I think I could stand to have a few weeks of training wheels. That's not to say that I doubt myself so much that I believe I need more handholding. I just think that setting a solid foundation for my career and personal confidence is important. I generally back this statement up in conversation with the most recent statistic of new graduate nurse retention rates.

Did you know that approximately 1 in 5 new graduate nurses with quit within the first year of employment and (generally) never return? So if there were around 150 people in my graduating class, around 30 of them aren't going to stay in nursing after the first year. Now I have no doubt that I won't be in that group because of my iron will (I've completed several semesters of school profoundly depressed and unable to make eye contact with people, getting nothing less than a "B" in each of my classes) and because I am a self acclaimed glutton for punishment (If getting married during nursing school isn't an indicator, I don't know what is...), but I don't want to even be walking on the edge of career meltdown.

Anyway, I recently found out that I made it through the first culling in the RN residency application process. *cheering with pom poms* Yay me! I had thought I would be called, but settled for the rather generic email that they sent me inviting me to participate in a "brief interview process". Yeah, they also reminded me that if I didn't show for this interview, I wouldn't be considered for the positions. Seriously? After all the work I put into that application?!? How could I not come?

I suppose I should elaborate on the application process. These days most applications are filled out and submitted online, for employer convenience I assume. The application for this residency program came with a detailed set of directions for us to follow that directed us to apply not only online, but to take a pile of stuff down to the HR department of the hospital system. These directions came with footnotes such as "All documents need to be without folds or staples and stock paper will not be accepted" and "Each of the special referral forms must be placed in a separate large envelope, sealed and signed by the reference on the seal". On one hand I really appreciate the specificity of the directions, however, it did make me wonder if it was all just a part of a first test focusing on following directions. I daresay I put a lot of work into putting it all together.

So after all of that effort (and of course the typical bout of irrational worry about whether I put the papers in the right order or if I spaced the margins right) they pulled a Windows Vista moment with a "Are you really sure you want to do that?" (For those of you that don't know, the newest versions of Windows takes you for an idiot and makes doubly sure that you want to open programs that you just so happened to purposefully double click on...). Of course I freaking want to have an interview!!

(Now I want to make sure again that you all understand that I understand all the reasons for why they do these things. I just have a habit of being hyperbolic and ummm, expressive...)

Sooooo, when I called to schedule an interview time I found that they were doing interviews for a whole 2 days, 8am to 5pm, in 20 minute slots. I ended up getting placed in a 20 minute slot on the Thursday a couple weeks ago. I was stoked regardless of the fact that I would essentially have to make my case in about 15 minutes. I did the math and I thought they were doing like 70 interviews in two days. That seems like a lot right?

I get to the place of the interview around 20 minutes early (as per my habit in nursing school of coming to class around 20 minutes early), giving myself enough time to pace around like an idiot. (In my defense, the interview took place about 45 minutes away, across town, and during the beginning of bad traffic, so leaving early was a good idea.) Even for how nervous I was I didn't fail to notice that there are several rooms full of people that look like they are attired for an interview. Conference right? Wouldn't that be nice. In a few more minutes I learned that I would be interviewing with 11 other people.... at the SAME TIME! (If you redo the math previously, that puts them at just over 500 interviews in 2 days) They said it would be like speed dating. Although I've never been speed dating, I think the simile was accurate.

The set up was like this:

They had a handful of unit managers of all types, 1-2 to a table, and ended up spreading them out in a room. They told us we had to march in and just sit down at whatever table had a chair open in front of it. We could be interested in MedSurg and get interviewed by someone from the OR. We would have about 15-20 minutes to get through the basic interview and after that we would get a score, and those scores would determine whether we will get another interview or not.

I was floored by the massive undertaking that I was a part of. Incidentally, I ended up being the first to enter the room. I tried my best to smile and not look frantic as I looked at all the managers staring back at me. Luckily I was able to chose one of the nearer seats with an older woman who was smiling somewhat serenely back at me. As we introduced ourselves, I came to the quick realization that I could be in deep trouble after she said that she was the manager of a psychiatric unit. Most people that know me well understand that I don't have the deep burning desire to get a job on a psych unit. (I generally tell my friends it's because manic people and I don't get along very well in enclosed spaces.)

My fears were put to rest during the interview. This woman is a model of all I want for myself in the proper method of conversation and active listening. I came in for an interview and received therapy. Therapeutic conversation that is. There were all the standard questions of behavioral interviewing and I think I did as well as I could. I will probably elaborate more on the details of that later...

So, a brief sigh of relief and then several more weeks of anxious waiting. I hope that next week, when I get a call, it'll be good news. You know, good that I get another interview, but bad that I have more cause for the creation of an ulcer.

*sigh*