Job/hobby hunt in progress

July 22, 2010---Day 81 of being graduated and jobless:
Still trapped in a state of blah and no sign of the quarry...

Ok I guess that's a bit melodramatic.

I had thought earlier that the hardest part about being done with school would be the requirement of taking the NCLEX. Yeah that was stressful, but it was lasted about a day and a half and then it was over. The perpetual state of not having a set schedule is , well, mind numbing sometimes. I'd like to say that every day I have something mentally stimulating and industrious to do, but of course that would be a big fat lie. To be honest I did have a big slump right after school got out. It could just be that I had spent so long in "survive nursing school mode" that I have been having issues handling all my free time. I'm sure there are plenty of people that think this is bogus and that I should just pull it together.

Think about it though, I've been in school for 16 years straight and suddenly have to figure out what to do with myself. (I thank God for my husband, who keeps me stable and rooted in reality. That and he's a pretty good teacher on how to live real life.) I mean today I realized that I really like a well structured and uncluttered life. And by uncluttered I mean that I don't really have any of those interesting skill/hobbies like crocheting or whatever, it's not that I can't do them, it's just I don't think I have the attention span for it. I do paint off and on, and play classical guitar, or whatever strikes my fancy, but it kind of goes in spurts of interest. Maybe my problem is that I am so nursing brained now I find hobbies like that to not be an efficient use of my time since I'm not really accomplishing a well outlined goal.

When I say "efficient" that has nothing to do with the deeper worth of enriching one's self. I deeply enjoy the arts. Most people thought that I was going to major in Fine Arts and become an actress or something. I have missed participating in ballet in particular. If they somehow combined nursing with dance/dinner theatre I would be all in. Can you imagine? Scrubs, bed pans, a dream sequence---> epic

Anyway, I've talked to all the right people so to speak, sent out many applications, and still no call back from anyone. I'm trying to stave off the feeling that it's all because I'm not likeable or something to that degree, but after a while you just can't help but feel like you are standing outside a candy store with your face pressed against the glass. I feel like I'm stuck standing there just imagining all the wonderful things I could be enjoying. I understand that it's a buyer's market. I understand that most positions get many hundreds of applications in this area. But hey, whoever said that you have to be rational all the time. I think I just am feeling a bit awkward after all of the intimidating conversations I've had lately. Is it too much to ask that people would let you know that they like you and think that you could be good for nursing, even if they don't have anything for you at the moment? At least my family is at the ready with the pom-poms.

I love them.

For now I'll just have to keep depending on everyone to help keep my head in the game.

Don't worry. I'm going to get that job. I might just have to sneak up on it.

(PS: What do people think about me taking up the hobby of cooking? That is atleast a practical use of my time right?)