Fruit Flymaggedon

So here I am again blogging. I still don't have a job. I wish there was a different running theme to this blog. You know, like writing about my new interesting experiences and the new people I've been meeting. Of course I have had some interesting experiences recently, but still it doesn't really take the place of a long term job. I think I'm at the point of struggling with being okay with where I am in life. I was doing well for a while but I just hit a "dip" in the rollercoaster of life recently. I hate to say it, but I just have been getting more and more discouraged when I see someone else get a job. It could just be because of my competitive nature or something but I am not digging it. Don't get me wrong, I am really happy for people to be getting jobs, but I always have this part of me, almost a reflex, that tries to measure my success with other people. So if my friends from college have jobs and I don't, I'm losing.

Why do I think like that? Couldn't say it's one thing or another, but it's probably a human thing. I have noticed that as a person I end up acting upon this inner urge more frequently than other people, hence my better known "diva" persona.(" Yes, I want to be the best and yes, I would like your attention and yes, I would like you to think I'm awesome and on top of that I want you to frequently tell me so.") Unfortunately this leads me down a road to a really insecure place. Right now I'm pretty insecure about my nursing capabilities. It doesn't surprise me that much since I feel so much better when I am using my skills. So please, have mercy, give me a job. Will it fix all of my security problems? Heck no. But I can tell you that working towards the goal of being the best nurse is a lot better than working towards being the best unemployed nurse.

I have been occupied by trying to be the best wife ever. I think I have a long way to go. I do know that I have an overall high base score of coolness though (I know I'm so modest). I mean what wife (no don't tell me) likes to get her husband video games so she can play them with him? And what wife can give you hours of comedic entertainment just by commenting on normal things in a witty way? Ok so I'm pretty sure there are other women out there that are like this, but I swear I'm bringing home the Wife of the Year 2010 trophy. Well regardless of the fact that it doesn't exist, I give myself "wife brownie points" when I do something I feel is incredibly awesome. The scale varies though. Some days it can be doing the laundry and other days it's cleaning the entire apartment and making something super special for dinner. (I should also mention that I make a list of these things and give my husband a tour of my awesomeness when he gets home. He's quite good about humoring me.) I suppose this is my way of dealing with the tedium of having not a whole lot else to do.

It's actually this weird state of having plenty to do but not really anything to do. I'm all about wanting to do that next earth shattering thing. I have experimented with a few hobbies. I figured out that my problem is that I am extremely moody (not like PMS) and I will want to do something else the next day, so having one thing to do isn't enough. I did make some really interesting food (for baking) and have painted some. I've also gotten back into fiddling with the fantasy world that a friend and I have been writing. I suppose I could say that I live in a constant state of changing "cravings" for certain activities. (No I'm not ADD, thank you.) It's often times frustrating for me because I feel like I start getting into something and then the next day I feel like I have no interest in doing it. Let me just say that nursing isn't one of these things. That's why I really want to do it. This is also one of the reasons that I really want to work in the Emergency Department. Plenty of variety. I suppose that since the saying is "Variety is the spice of life", I'm a spicy person? But I can't say I'm the most vibrant and diverse person I've ever met (competition lost *sad face*). Sometimes it almost feels as if I've developed a separate personality to deal with my internal mood swings. I must say that this part of me is rather uptight and prefers a lot of repetition and routines. It's quite exhausting to try to mediate between the two selves (and no I'm not schizophrenic, there is only one internal voice and it's mine). Nursing is awesome in the fact that offers and outlet for both my selves. Nursing works to create a structure that can function within an environment of controlled chaos. In any case, I would like a job so I could stave off spontaneous combustion brought on by such unrest.

On a different note, mundane things have gotten more er... blown out of proportion. I love watermelon and summer is a great time for watermelon. With watermelon eating, there comes left over rinds and apparently no matter what, fruit flies come with that as well. I didn't notice the issue too much. We have a few here and there once in a while. The other day though, I opened the lid of the trashcan and it felt like a whole cloud of them came swirling out. I took a couple swipes at them and then slammed the lid shut. I ran out of the kitchen and waited until my husband came home so he could take out the trash without me. I knew without a doubt that they were all out to get me. I went through a few days of going into the kitchen to get breakfast only to be greeted by a swarm of the little bugs. We kept emptying things and getting rid of bits of fruit and stuff, but they just kept breeding. I later found out that my hubby had taken to using the small portable vacuum cleaner we have to suck them up.( I found out by reaching my limit, going to get it, and finding a piece of duct tape over the mouth of it.) I grabbed it, walked back into the kitchen, looked at my husband and said something like, "Prepare for Fruit Flymageddon" and promptly waged war on the invaders. This has been one of the most exciting things to have happened recently. *sigh* Hopefully the hyperbole doesn't get worse.
Well hopefully next time I blog there will be better news on the job front...